I hit 101 pounds lost. Then gained back 3 pounds. Ah, predictable weight patterns, how you annoy me so :-) (I will lose weight, gain back 3 pounds, then lose it again plus more. Very predictable).
Whenever I think I am “cured” of my bad eating habits, I take notice that I am still doing them. Ive been emotionally eating since I found out about the gallbladder stuff. Its not volume eating, but it is definitely comfort eating. Not too bad, and ive still lost a lot of weight in that time frame, so its more of a “notice” than a freakout.
I am so thankful for the HAES movement. Health At Every Size talks about how you can be healthier regardless of your weight, and that your weight has little to do with your health. I also learned the concept of intuitive eating, which has been helpful. I was not able to follow this before surgery, but I know have a tool in which I can listen to my body. I feel like crap because I have been eating things that my body dislikes. However, I am fine with my eating, because I was eating for emotional health, and not physical health.
I can listen when my body says it dislikes fatty fried foods, and tomatoes, and its not a value judgement, or about beating myself up when I do eat those foods. I make the choice of what to eat, and I pick the best thing for me to eat. Sometimes it is steak, sometimes it is the Turtle thing at Amy’s Ice Cream (Mexican vanilla ice cream with hot pralines and hot fudge. OMG amazing.) In either case, I can eat and feel okay with what I eat.
Because I dont beat myself up over what I eat, I think I do have a healthier relationship with food. I never wanted to “diet,” I never wanted that deprivation. And, before surgery? I never thought it would be like this. Sure, it took five freaking months before feeling like this, but I am thankful for this feeling.
